nostalgia and my delusion in thinking i was a genius

[manuel_moe_g]

i am in a strange place nostalgia-wise: for the majority of my life, i was convinced i was a genius, now i know very well i am not, never was, it was just a "bug" caused by adhd + autism + bad parenting + ego overcompensating for massive insecurity. so anything nostalgic can take me quickly to "i remember being a dude with a weird collection of falsehoods and distortions rattling around in his head... huh..."

closer to the truth, bad parenting and my natural disposition made it so i thought my fundamental worth was conditional upon outstanding accomplishment

[troebia]

MM, I can relate to this. I was the unwanted child of two young "academics" (my mother was 19 at the time of conception) and until this day my mother has these elitist quirks, feeling superior to people without a university education -- but she had no f***ing clue about raising a child and now when I speak with her on the phone as an old man I still get these pangs of embarrassment because she basically is an antisocial introvert that treated me like a "thing". With different parents my life could have been so much better because I remember having a very awake mind and lots of imagination. I learned to read at three, and at seven I remember bringing handmade toys to school. I was always creating stuff, learning, reading, drawing, but I wasn't interested in memorising or doing math. When I was about thirteen, a teacher did a talk and told the class that he was proud of his children who had pursued his own original profession as carpenters. "What would you prefer?" he asked, "To be a master craftsman or get a mediocre university degree?" In a parallel universe, from that moment I should have pursued some kind of craft. Two years later I was failing high school and ended up dropping out and falling into a black hole, instead of being guided to some sort of apprenticeship. I often think back on this: how much agency can you reasonably expect of a fifteen-year old? For a parent, isn't this a crucial moment when you should step up and support your child?

[manuel_moe_g]

Two years later I was failing high school and ended up dropping out and falling into a black hole, instead of being guided to some sort of apprenticeship. I often think back on this: how much agency can you reasonably expect of a fifteen-year old? For a parent, isn't this a crucial moment when you should step up and support your child?

Yeah, the feeling of amazement (looking back at it all now) at how detached my parents were with a son who was obviously suffering.

I am sorry you were failed by your parents, Troebia. Please take care. Be sure to mourn that loss, the loss of what could have been, you deserve to have that acknowledged.

[troebia]

Just now realising that in my reply before I was triggered to some diffuse sympathetic anger, as if we were both victims of the same medical malpractice, or had bought the same faulty product which messed us up each in our own way.

It seems the guarantee and the liability has expired. No refunds, no substitutions, no remakes

[manuel_moe_g]

It seems the guarantee and the liability has expired. No refunds, no substitutions, no remakes

Ha!