Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

After an hour of walking through the swamp, keeping an eye out for the worlds only blue cannibal blue snail shells we looked up and spotted the ridge line we had to climb up to get out of the swamp. That broke my enthusiastic feelings in half.

Immediately I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t think I could climb up it. I lost all ability to believe that this body could climb this ridge. But one foot in front of the other, slowly but surely we made progress. Two hours and 23 minutes later we got to the high point that levelled off, before us lay miles upon miles of beautiful forest and rangers. Each with their individual scars from rain, wind and erosion.

[Mental Fairy]

The final leg of the journey gifted us a beautiful display of the mountain in all her beautiful glory. Proud to have made it this far we made our way to the next hut for a bite of food and sip of fluids. Looking below us, from what felt like the heavens we dangled our legs over the deck of the hut. We swung them like children and giggled about our antics along the way. Pulling Donya out of holes, crevices, swamp and mud. For once I was not the one coming out with battle wounds!

Pulling out packs onto our sweat drenched backs we pushed on to the final three hours of the journey known as the devils staircase to locals. It’s a torture of downhill icy steps leading to the base of the rangers just above where I live. I sent a text to Joe to inform him we were on our way out, knowing signal is impossible from here on in.

Every few corners we turned we would all whimper in pain and frustration as it felt like the stairs would never end. Knees screaming for rest and back cold with sweat we saw daylight approaching out of a canopy of bush. We felt like the forest was pushing us out! There before us was my car and Joe waiting with cold drinks in hands. My god it was beautiful to see him.

Within minutes of entering the car Donya was asleep, Lee was beside himself with glee and I was giggling like a school girl wanting to do it all over again. For the first time in 20+ years Joe turned to me and said he wanted to do it.

Never in all my years of marriage has Joe ever wanted to participate in a hike like this. This mountain almost broke our marriage years ago. Now he sees the reaction it gives us immediately after returning to safety. Once upon a time he wouldn’t look at me after I got back from climbs or hikes. He hated me going up that hill week after week. Now he wants to try it.

Maybe in the next few weeks before the snow comes I will take him, but currently I need to work on my negative mindset and get myself back to healthy.
Donya sent photos of me from yesterday and I couldn’t look at them. I didn’t recognise myself. If anything I wanted to delete them. This is something I need to work on.

Alas I must go hang out my washing and start my day. Mazie has to go to the vet this morning. I hate doing it. I cry every time. She’s going to snob me for the rest of the week.

I honestly thought of all of you on the hike. I got emotional at the beautiful friendships I have. Nature is very grounding and beautiful.

I hope so much you all get to travel in your lifetime to places like this. I feel very grateful to be in Taranaki. I’m proud to be in the Naki as they say it here. Can’t wait to show you all the South Island.

[Mental Fairy]

Taken from the deck of the second hut. Looking down into the devils staircase. Brutal on the legs in that bush.

[troebia]

This hike looks fabulous. And lots of adventure too!

[Mental Fairy]

So mum, WTF, where were you all day Sunday? Why did you leave me…….?

[Mental Fairy]

Next minute I give her cat nip to calm her mood. And this happens!

……Look at all the pretty lights…….you are forgiven

[manuel_moe_g]

wow, amazing stuff, photos and such storytelling!

Thanks so much for all this, Mental Fairy!

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you

I got the call. My operation is May 31st. Two days after we fly back in from South Island. They have a surgeon going to have a rummage around in the stomach and the bowel team to remove part of the large intestine and rectum muscles cut and released.

How am I feeling? Bloody nervous. More so about the preparing mentally for it. I don’t mind being asleep, I just don’t like what is happening. I have zero control over this disease. No matter what I do I can’t stop it. I’m just an observer or bystander to this unwanted guest that’s set up camp within me.

It’s times like this I could bring you all over here for support! Weird I know. I’ve been on here long enough now to feel comfortable and connected to you individually. We all share and all have our own thoughts and battles.

Thank you all for being you. I am so lucky. I do missing river girl and Oak.

[manuel_moe_g]

Please take care, Mental Fairy, we are sending you all the good vibes

I do missing river girl and Oak.

my goal is that if they ever come back, even years later, i'll still be here

[Mental Fairy]

I hope to be too.