Textbook narcissistic ex

[Adam]

Thanks to this podcast and a good friend, I was able to extricate myself from a marriage to someone who, after I read about it, I realized was a textbook narcissist. I'm posting this partly to vent since I can't seem to completely eliminate her from my life, and to hopefully help others in a similar situation. When a friend told me I was being verbally abused, and I consciously stopped playing along, the marriage came to the end it needed to.

From an online article, this aspect was the most damaging:"9. Negative Emotions. Many narcissists enjoy spreading and arousing negative emotions to gain attention, feel powerful, and keep you insecure and off-balance. They are easily upset at any real or perceived slights or inattentiveness. They may throw a tantrum if you disagree with their views, or fail to meet their expectations. They are extremely sensitive to criticism, and typically respond with heated argument (fight) or cold detachment (flight). On the other hand, narcissists are often quick to judge, criticize, ridicule, and blame you. Some narcissists are emotionally abusive. By making you feel inferior, they boost their fragile ego, and feel better about themselves."

I was constantly told that I didn't love her enough, or I didn't show her that I loved her. Whenever i tried to make the changes she requested, then the rules changed. She constantly found reasons to pick fights and let me know about ways she felt slighted.

6. Entitlement. Narcissists often expect preferential treatment from others. They expect others to cater (often instantly) to their needs, without being considerate in return. In their mindset, the world revolves around them.
--- I unfriended her from facebook some time ago. The text I got months later - verbatim - "Is there a reason you actually unfriended me from fb?"

Then there was the withholding of a niece visit. When niece one visited, we didn't fall into the exact guidelines set at the last minute. We offered to drive her home. Instead, the ex stayed in town (she only lives 15 minutes away) and around 10pm went to visit a friend of hers who lives nearby. She then texted to have our niece head over there. When niece #2 was in town for a couple of weeks, I was offered a single day to visit, and that was taken away at the last minute.

These are vague examples, but important. Narcissism is a destroyer of relationships. I could go on, but I won't. Her rant to me tonight which again tried to paint me as some weird abuser while she was the victim as always made me think of this place. I want her completely out of my life, and I'm hoping her relatives will pick up on that. I'm not putting anyone in the middle. And lucky for me, my girlfriend is AWESOME, and spotted her games immediately. It's taught me a TON!


This is the link I used for the brief descriptions. Hope it helps some people. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co ... narcissist