Proving to myself that I'm not afraid of everything

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Churble
Posts: 28
Joined: April 16th, 2013, 5:41 am
Location: Louisville, KY

Proving to myself that I'm not afraid of everything

Post by Churble »

I'm afraid of dwarves and people who are generally disproportionate touching me, which leads to a fear of offending them because I know that they're people just like me and they have feelings.

I'm afraid that my boss will realize I have no idea what I'm doing and I will lose my job and my son and I will have to move back in with my parents.

I'm afraid that horror movies aren't fake and that one day I will wake up with Michael Myers in my bedroom because he thinks his sister once lived in my house.

I'm afraid that if I leave my front door open, teenagers will see my stuff and break into our house and kill us in the night to steal it.

I'm afraid that there is someone secretly living in my house, in the attic, or the spare bedroom that we never go into, and that even when I think I'm home alone I'm not really alone and there's someone who sees me doing all of the crazy private things that I do when I'm home alone. And he thinks I have a terrible singing voice and wishes I would shut up and quit talking to myself.

I'm afraid that someone I care about will die and I will be blamed for their murder and I won't be able to prove my innocence and I will spend the rest of my life in jail because no one believes me.

I'm afraid that my mother was right and I'm too fat and ugly to love and I really will end up married to a man who's miserable because he had to settle for me.

I'm afraid that my son will be messed up because he doesn't have a father because I got knocked up by an asshole who was cheating on his girlfriend with me and eventually my son will realize that his mom was just a slut and that he'll develop a complex because he wasn't conceived in any kind of love or even like, but because his dad was drunk and horny and his mom never says no because she just wants to feel pretty and she only feels pretty when someone wants to sleep with her.

I'm afraid of flying because I think that my presence is what will cause the plane to crash. I feel like I was meant to die in a plane crash and if I get on a plane I'm cursing everyone else aboard to die because of my stupid fate.

I'm afraid that my last fear makes me sound horribly narcissistic.

I'm afraid of falling down stairs and knocking my teeth out or poking an eye out.

I'm afraid that the only men who would settle for sleeping with me are the ones with crazy fetishes and that I'll spend the rest of my life acting out some fetish that I don't enjoy and think is really stupid.

I'm afraid that when I open the door at night to let the dog in that she will be beaten to the door by a murderous madman or supernatural creature and that I will die and then she will eat me and my son will find us in the morning, his dead mother and his beloved dog who ate his dead mother.

I'm afraid that my son will grow up to be a murderer because I didn't know how to not raise a murderer.

I'm afraid that all this time I haven't been as smart as I think I am, I've actually be really wrong about most things but people have been humoring me.

I'm afraid that I don't actually have flaky friends, I'm just too boring to be worth staying friends with.

I'm afraid that I'll die and only my immediate family will show up for my funeral because none of my friends actually like me enough to make time for it, and my son will be humiliated because his mom was such a loser, and he'll end up glad that I'm dead because he can finally live with my sister and have a real family, full of people worth caring about.

I'm afraid that I made the wrong decision by getting an abortion because now my son is lonely and wishes he had a younger sibling.

I'm afraid that whoever watches the security cameras at work thinks I spend too much time in the bathroom.

I'm afraid that if I sleep with my neck or wrists exposed it's an open invitation for a serial killer to come in and slash them.

I'm afraid that when I eat in front of people all they're thinking is "No wonder she's so fat".

I'm afraid that the people who sit next to me at work aren't actually annoying and that I'm just too easily irritated.

I'm afraid that when I die I'll find out that bugs really do have souls and I've actually been a much worse person than I thought.

I'm afraid that when my mother dies I won't be able to cry and people will think I'm ungrateful.

I'm afraid I could lose a lot of weight and still not be worth loving because it turns out I'm not undesirable because I'm fat, I'm just genuinely not lovable.

I'm afraid of guinea pigs and hamsters because I think they're going to jump at my face and chew on my eyeballs.

I'm afraid that ringing in my ears is cancer, and that headache is cancer, and that pain in my ribs is cancer, and the pain in my stomach is cancer, and that pressure behind my eye is an aneurysm, and that shooting pain I got in my leg that one time is cancer.

I'm afraid that my son will never have a father figure because I'm not good enough to be loved by a man who would make a good father.

I'm afraid that my rape fantasies are a karmic invitation.

I'm afraid that someone will hurt my son and he won't tell anyone because I wouldn't have when I was his age and he's just so much like me.

I'm afraid of sleeping naked because if I die in my sleep I don't want the people who show up to remove the body to see me naked.

I'm afraid of being on the edge of a high, open space, because I'm afraid I won't be able to stop myself from pushing someone off or jumping.

I'm afraid if I don't tuck my sheet or blanket under my feet when I'm sleeping, snakes and spiders will be able to get into my bed and bite me.
If there is one thing the history of evolution has taught us it's that life will not be contained. Life breaks free, it expands to new territories and crashes through barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously, but, well, there it is. Life finds a way.
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Cheldoll
Posts: 263
Joined: September 12th, 2011, 2:29 pm
Issues: Depression, anxiety, anorexia, sexually abused
preferred pronoun: She
Location: Portland, Oregon
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Re: Proving to myself that I'm not afraid of everything

Post by Cheldoll »

Holy crap this list is amazing. What a champ! Some I could really relate too, some I never thought of but now terrify me too, some made me laugh out loud, some broke my heart.

Here are some of my favorites:
Churble wrote:I'm afraid that there is someone secretly living in my house, in the attic, or the spare bedroom that we never go into, and that even when I think I'm home alone I'm not really alone and there's someone who sees me doing all of the crazy private things that I do when I'm home alone. And he thinks I have a terrible singing voice and wishes I would shut up and quit talking to myself.

I'm afraid that someone I care about will die and I will be blamed for their murder and I won't be able to prove my innocence and I will spend the rest of my life in jail because no one believes me.

I'm afraid of flying because I think that my presence is what will cause the plane to crash. I feel like I was meant to die in a plane crash and if I get on a plane I'm cursing everyone else aboard to die because of my stupid fate.

I'm afraid that my last fear makes me sound horribly narcissistic.

I'm afraid that whoever watches the security cameras at work thinks I spend too much time in the bathroom.

I'm afraid that if I sleep with my neck or wrists exposed it's an open invitation for a serial killer to come in and slash them.

I'm afraid that when I eat in front of people all they're thinking is "No wonder she's so fat".

I'm afraid that when I die I'll find out that bugs really do have souls and I've actually been a much worse person than I thought.

I'm afraid of sleeping naked because if I die in my sleep I don't want the people who show up to remove the body to see me naked.
xoxo,
Chel

" Many people need desperately to receive this message: I feel and think much as you do,
care about many of the things you care about, although most people don't care about them.
You are not alone. " — Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
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Blake
Posts: 8
Joined: April 19th, 2013, 11:40 am

Re: Proving to myself that I'm not afraid of everything

Post by Blake »

"I'm afraid that I don't actually have flaky friends, I'm just too boring to be worth staying friends with."

That one hit my core. I feel like this a lot.

“I'm afraid that whoever watches the security cameras at work thinks I spend too much time in the bathroom.”

Omg, I love it.

“I'm afraid that the people who sit next to me at work aren't actually annoying and that I'm just too easily irritated.”

No, I promise they really are that annoying.

I swear the guy sitting in the cubical to me has Tourettes syndrome or something. There is constant random cursing, followed by glee whistling minutes later, then topped off with what sounds like he’s choking or coughing something up. Makes me want to scream.
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