Apple's Fears

[Applecider]

I fear...

- That some entity or person will show up claiming that I (Or my deceased parents) owe them a debt of several thousand dollars that I was completely unaware about and that I will not be able to get out of it.
- That clients' will like the work of the other mural painter at work whom I know does shit work, whom many of my coworkers agree does shit work.
- That my most recent ex-boyfriend is spreading untruths about me regarding his breaking up with me and that I NEED to defend myself.
- That my ex-boyfriend's family, who I adored and who said that I was the best girlfriend he had ever had, believe his lies if he is telling them that I broke us up.
- That the home that I inherited has something horribly wrong with it that I can not afford to fix because it will cost more the house is worth.
- That I will have to go back to working in retail because my full time job, making $14.00 an hour is not enough to cover my living expenses despite not living extravagantly. I don't even have a smart phone.
- That I have some terrible body odor that no one has or will tell me about.
- That my voice, my laugh is obnoxious to people but no one tells me.
- That my attempts to be funny, witty or to share knowledge (because I'm excited about something really cool to me!) are actually perceived as incredibly rude. Twice now I've been told my nickname should be ' Actually (real name) ' because of how often I use that word. I'm incredibly ashamed of that.
- That I am missing out on some incredibly simple magic word or phrase to make my ex-boyfriend understand that I care about him, that I want to support him, and that I'm not desperate. Instead I continue to look like the psycho, desperate girlfriend I am trying so hard not to be.
- That I will be fired from my much loved job without notice and I will never be told why.
- That My new therapist will think I am just some foolish person who thinks they have a problem.
- That I will be never braver about traveling alone, or even doing things alone like going to the grocery store. I flew to Germany by myself to meet an internet friend, yet going to the grocery store can scare me!
- That if I am to have a partner in this life, they will be someone who is boring and unattractive to me and I will have to settle or be utterly alone.
- That I will never be rid of all of this inherited furniture and items that were my parents. It's not my style, but I am having a hard time letting go because I feel attached and also I would like to try and get cash for it.
- that I will never know how to dress sophisticaly or wear pretty makeup or do my hair because I don't know who or where to ask for help without spending money. I also don't want to drop thousands of dollars I don't have on a new wardrobe.
- that I will never be financially secure enough to feel like I can breathe.
- that the economy will crash and everything I have saved and inherited (Savings accounts, IRAs, life insurance) will be worth nothing.
- that I will get cancer, just like my parents; and it will economically ruin me, just like my parents; before killing me, just like my parents.


and that is all for now.