Anxiety hierarchy: play at open mic.

[oak]

Today I had my first ever in person guitar lesson. It was expensive, but super worth it.

I was tempted to postpone it, but I found courage, and scheduled it for early today.

We went over my E, A, and D chords. The plan now is to play "You Are My Sunshine", or less likely, "The Tide Is High". She showed me the strumming patterns, and politely poked my fingers into better fretting.

Through the first quarter of the practice, it sounded like gibberish. Approaching the halfway mark, I could hear the actual song! I let my mind go, and got into something of a groove. The last half my fingertips were in considerable pain, and it regressed.

I am anxious to say this, so here goes: I know in my heart it is time to wake up an hour earlier, exercise, and practice my guitar. I say exercise, not only for the health benefits, but so I can warm up my wrist and hand tendons.

Speaking to me frankly (and I could tell by her face) she said that if I practice twenty minutes, twice a day, then it is reasonable to get me up at an open mic in ten days.

I have considerable anxiety regarding my wrist and hand tendon pain. Fortunately I know the way forward.

This is all very difficult to say, so thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

[manuel_moe_g]

good luck, friend and brother.

[rivergirl]

Congratulations on taking the lesson, Oak! How is your practice going?

[oak]

Awww, thank you MM and RG: your posting here means so much to me.

I am sticking with it, even though I was ready to quit due to hand tendon pain.

The plan is to play Feb 7 and 8.

To be this vulnerable in front of strangers is terrifying.

I have three chords: A, E, and D. I am flirting with C and G. After that, if I can add A minor and E minor, then I can play many pop songs. I can even play, then, "Brown Eyed Girl", which isn't even fair.

I have also done well with my hand and wrist strengthening and stretching exercises. Learning guitar is a lot like taking care of one's mental health: daily actions, based on hope, with frequent negative progress.

Without being self-deprecating, my playing of "You Are My Sunshine" has gone from an abomination to merely reprehensible. I truly think if Johnny Cash heard it, he would be astonished and angry

That being said, I am hoping to find courage to invite a librarian at the local library to my first open mic. Pure terror, squared. An attractive woman coming to a coffee shop just to see me play: what could be more terrifying than pursuing what I want more than anything?

[manuel_moe_g]

So proud of you. Keep doing these things that scare you, you are on the right track. You are doing great!

[oak]

Thank you, Manuel Moe.

Your encouragement means a lot to me. This is especially true since I was wracked with anxiety and shame tonight.

Believe it or not, I am actually getting worse at guitar! Considerably worse.

I mentally abusing myself for my awful A chord.

I am going to borrow (okay, steal) your excellent ideas in your thread, Manuel Moe. I am also going to work on my mindfulness. Perhaps guitar can be a mindful exercise.

Tomorrow I'll accept myself: I'll make the best A chords I can. I will strive to accept myself and my A chord.

[manuel_moe_g]

Please take care. Everything of worth, when really working on it at fundamental level, it gets worse before it gets better. Don't give up! Don't get discouraged! We are cheering for you!

[oak]

Than you, Manuel Moe. I took your advice to heart, and just started to play, not worrying if it was "correct". It went great, and I enjoyed it.

My A E and D chords are coming together, and I'm starting to switch a little quicker between them.

I hope to go to my first open mic either next Thursday or Friday.

Thanks again, Manuel Moe.

[oak]

1. I've confirmed to play an open mic Thursday, Feb 7.

Yikes!

2. I intend to invite a specific attractive person to it.

Aaaah!

3. My skill level at playing something like "You Are My Sunshine" has improved. I am getting better at switching between E A and D chords.

4. Though it won't be ready for this week's open mic, I am bold enough to take a whack at "Sweet Child of Mine".

5. The main hinderance/bottleneck to practicing is not motivation, learning material, or discouragement but rather physical soreness. Being an office drone for years has not prepared me, so I am learning to stretch and build my muscles and tendons. It started with hands, then wrists, then forearm, and now shoulder/rotator cuff. I am learning to warm up, and stop if I experience pain.

6. I continue to be astonished at how similar learning guitar is like mental health wellness:

Daily action for a goal I can comprehend but not see
Negative progress
The importance of the physical aspect
Things (ie mental health or guitar) that other people make look easy are difficult when trying them.

As always, this is difficult to get out, which is why it is all the more important for me to post here. Thank you for reading, and for giving me a chance to use my words.

[manuel_moe_g]

This guitar open mic is very valuable for your growth. I am so proud of you that you have the guts to pull it off. Keep up the great work!