I need help

[Bob_Ducca]

My name is Shane and I am 20 years old. I am not completely sure if I have BPD but I definitely have some of the symptoms so i thought i should post in the thread. For starters, i have been clinically depressed for the last 6 years, but i only reached out for help in the last 6 months. Right now im taking pristiq and abilify. I have noticed a change in myself after taking the medication for the past few months, but it seems that im seeing more problems in myself. This is where the BPD comes in. After researching the disorder for the past few days, i have found that I have almost all of the signs. I have self harmed in the past, and i think about suicide daily. I spend way too much money that i should be saving, and i tend to eat on a binge. Sometimes ill even binge drink. I have noticed I feel paranoid too, for absolutely no reason. Most days i feel absolutely empty, and that I'm worth nothing. The depression and feelings I have been feeling lately are some Kirsten Dunst Melancholia shit. I used to be really angry all the time, I hated everything, but (thank god) I stopped doing that to myself. I used to be rally passive aggressive too. But what makes me think that i really have BPD is how I deal with the relationships in my life. I recently started seeing this girl that I like, but i ended up driving her away from me. I get really obsessive and i begin to believe that none of my friends like or want to be around me. And when i start to think like this, i enter this weird frantic mania where I convince myself they hate me and I literally ask "are you my friend?" about a million times. And I recently noticed that I think in black or white. I drove the girl away because she either loved me, or i wanted nothing to do with her. I either get an "A" or I am a disappointment. I've realized that I live a lot of my life in these extremes. I'm either in a state of mania, or so depressed i cant even get out of bed. Please help.

I also have a severe Social Anxiety too, I'm not myself out in public. It's really hard for me to talk even in a school setting. I am always tense, and my guard is ALWAYS up. I think this is why I have a very hard time talking to my psychiatrist and therapist. Are there any medications that would be beneficial to me? For depression? For BPD? For anxiety? thanks alot

[fifthsonata]

If you're getting help, you need to talk about this with your counselor or other professional. A lot of mental illnesses share certain diagnostic traits, so it's hard for someone who isn't trained in this area to offer you a judgement - we don't know you and any other subtle nuances your personality may have.

The symptoms you state are indeed some characteristics, but some can also be a manifestation of bipolar illness.

Good professionals take time to offer a diagnosis, so there may be a reason you only know about depression. The professional may be treating the depression at the moment to allow you some relief and have you think a little more clearly so they can see your personality a little better.

So talk to your professional, or start talking to a professional. That is your best route.