Here's me in a nutshell:
I'm 51, living in New York. I'm BP II, tending mostly towards depression. I'm a real barrel of giggles.
I always felt a bit, sometimes a lot, out of synch with the rest of the world. And looking back on life I realize now that something was always wrong. But I never could put a word to it, or even get my arms around what was going on. I was in and out of therapy for over 20 years and not once did a therapist suggest I might be depressed. It was always 'tell me about your mother.'
About 10 years ago I started taking Zyban to quit smoking. All of a sudden the fog lifted, the darkness went away, etc. etc. My therapist at the time suggsted I talk to my Dr who referred me to a psychiatrist and the rest is history.
Now all this time I was married with kids and when the depression was really bad I couldn't function. I lost a series of jobs and spent days just in the house, struggling to even shower and get dressed. The Wellbutrin helped somewhat, and we added Lamictal 5 years ago. But I'm still running from low level blues to pitch black depression.
As you can guess from the start of this post, it's had an awful impact on my marriage. She knows intellectually what I deal with but in her heart, she can't deal. Sometimes I'm so frustrated trying to tell her, other times I just give up.
She's about done with me and as soon as we can get the finances straightened out, I'm out. I'll stick around the area until all of my kids are in college - till 2020. After that I'm getting the fuck out of Dodge and moving as far away from here as I can.
The only joy I get, aside from my wonderful children, is through photography. I shoot digital and film. I've had one photo in a gallery show already and I'm working on getting a few more. The Hudson Valley is my main muse - it's so beautiful here you can't help but create art. I also shoot industrial decay and nudes.
So... what I'm looking for is what I lack most in my marriage. Someone who will listen, who understands what it feels like. And I can do the same in return. In other words, a pen-pal.
Respond or message me if this sounds good for you.
