Introduction
Posted: January 4th, 2018, 7:18 pm
Hi everyone,
It's hard to know what to share in my introduction... I kind of feel the need to make sure it's "well written" and interesting for it to be worthwhile, but I am going to force myself to just be honest and hopefully that will foster some sort of connection with someone.
I have listened to the podcast for about 4 years now, and it has gotten me through SO much. I've always meant to join the forum but am a great procrastinator, as many of you will understand. I am joining now because I'm stuck, and not getting the help I need from professionals. I feel the need to reach out to others who understand and also to ask some specific questions about how to proceed, which I guess I'll save for my second post.
I have anxiety and depression, and a touch of OCD (I don't know if it's disrespectful to say "touch of OCD", but it does seem to me that many disorders exist on a spectrum, and that I exhibit very clear aspects of OCD, but on a small scale compared to most). I take "as needed" meds for anxiety/panic attacks and utilize behavioral tools to manage my everyday anxiety. I've had depression at least since I was 16 years old (almost 13 years), which fluctuates in its intensity. Right now I feel like I have the tools to manage the mood part of the disorder--not that it's easy--but my biggest issue is this horrible fucking brain fog which makes me feel not only unlike myself, but like I'm not a full human being... AND is making me unable to function (had this for years, but it feels like it's at its worst now). I'm a student, and I am working towards a degree in the mental health profession and I am starting to wonder if I can even achieve that. I do think about suicide a lot, but I won't do it, because I don't want to hurt the people I love. I've seen what suicide does to loved ones.
But I can't remember anything--short-term, long-term... At least 50% of the time I forget what I'm saying halfway through a sentence and have to fight like hell to get back to whatever is actually happening in the moment. I'm supposed to start a new semester and I'm so scared because my brain isn't functioning properly and I can't afford to fuck up again. I'm a good student when my brain works but I just don't know if I can make it through another semester at what feels like 5% brain capacity. I've been trying to get professional help and I'm at a fucked up impasse because of the stupid medical/insurance system and some shitty psychiatric professionals. I'm going to post some specific questions later but for now, that's my situation.
Thanks for reading, if you made it through! I appreciate the community here. I look forward to mutual support with people who understand.
-Trying as Hard as I Fucking Can. Can't Really Take it Anymore
It's hard to know what to share in my introduction... I kind of feel the need to make sure it's "well written" and interesting for it to be worthwhile, but I am going to force myself to just be honest and hopefully that will foster some sort of connection with someone.
I have listened to the podcast for about 4 years now, and it has gotten me through SO much. I've always meant to join the forum but am a great procrastinator, as many of you will understand. I am joining now because I'm stuck, and not getting the help I need from professionals. I feel the need to reach out to others who understand and also to ask some specific questions about how to proceed, which I guess I'll save for my second post.
I have anxiety and depression, and a touch of OCD (I don't know if it's disrespectful to say "touch of OCD", but it does seem to me that many disorders exist on a spectrum, and that I exhibit very clear aspects of OCD, but on a small scale compared to most). I take "as needed" meds for anxiety/panic attacks and utilize behavioral tools to manage my everyday anxiety. I've had depression at least since I was 16 years old (almost 13 years), which fluctuates in its intensity. Right now I feel like I have the tools to manage the mood part of the disorder--not that it's easy--but my biggest issue is this horrible fucking brain fog which makes me feel not only unlike myself, but like I'm not a full human being... AND is making me unable to function (had this for years, but it feels like it's at its worst now). I'm a student, and I am working towards a degree in the mental health profession and I am starting to wonder if I can even achieve that. I do think about suicide a lot, but I won't do it, because I don't want to hurt the people I love. I've seen what suicide does to loved ones.
But I can't remember anything--short-term, long-term... At least 50% of the time I forget what I'm saying halfway through a sentence and have to fight like hell to get back to whatever is actually happening in the moment. I'm supposed to start a new semester and I'm so scared because my brain isn't functioning properly and I can't afford to fuck up again. I'm a good student when my brain works but I just don't know if I can make it through another semester at what feels like 5% brain capacity. I've been trying to get professional help and I'm at a fucked up impasse because of the stupid medical/insurance system and some shitty psychiatric professionals. I'm going to post some specific questions later but for now, that's my situation.
Thanks for reading, if you made it through! I appreciate the community here. I look forward to mutual support with people who understand.
-Trying as Hard as I Fucking Can. Can't Really Take it Anymore